So, to follow up on Wednesday's viewing of Jaws, the plan was to see Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer. The powers that be were against me yesterday, so instead I ended up watching The Pact. For those of you that haven't seen the trailer, it's basically a slightly spooky tale that mainly revolves around a house and the things that went on at said abode.
Even the spirits can't decide whether it's worth watching this flick
The general gist is that a mother has died and her daughters go back to the area for the funeral. I guess you could say that they set out to use the deceased mother's house as a base of sorts. The film starts off with one of the sisters, Nicole, already at the house, passing time and having a bit of a 'tense' conversation with the other sister via the marvel of a telephonic device. Nicole then proceeds to have a conversation with her daughter via some form of Skye device. This is when you get the first sense of the spooky, as the young daughter on the other end of the Skype display asks her mother who the person there with her is. The big surprise here is that the mother is alone. Slightly creeped out, she proceeds to have a little look around the small house. Cut to the other sister, Annie, looking like a cross between Melissa George and Patsy Kensit, arriving a few days later, on the day of the funeral, only to find that Nicole has gone missing. It's touched on that Nicole has a past history of drug abuse and going missing for days, so the cynical Annie doesn't think too much of her sister being missing. That is until she wakes up in the middle of the night to find her cousin has gone missing from the house, then has a moment where she is literally dragged around the house by an unseen entity. Safe to say, she escapes the house and takes her small niece with her as she flees to the police station.
Casper Von Dien doing his best Tony Stark impression
Upon arriving at the police station she's interviewed by Starship Troopers' very own Casper Von Dien (also of the so-bad-it's-good-but-still-just-actually-rather-bad Dracula 3000). He's interested in the disappearance of Annie's sister and cousin, but Annie does the 'it wasn't me, Guv'nor, it was them pesky spirits' routine. Casper's cop doesn't really believe her but decides, as she's got pert, bouncy breasts, to at least check out the house in question. When the two of them enter the house, all is relatively normal until they come across a covered up door that Annie never knew existed. Casper takes some pictures during this and that's about it. Annie goes off to stay in a Motel, where she has some funky dreams. All of this leads to Annie bringing a blind psychic to the house. This is when the film starts to get into a bit more of the supernatural horror vibe that's promised in the trailer. From then on in there's a few twists and turns, as well as a few choice scares.
The film as a whole isn't horrendous, although it does seem to fall flat at the times when it looks like it's about to deliver the goods. Just as the film starts to get going, it seems to stagnate and then flip things in another direction. Whilst this can often work in a film's favour, with The Pact it does it at the wrong time. It tends to be going down the right avenues but then has a change of heart, leaving you with a slightly subdued response. The pacing of the film also feels a little off. It drags out parts of the story that don't need dragging out, yet skims over other plot points that could easily be elaborated on. At times the film hints at past trauma experienced by the two sisters at the hands of their mother, yet you never really get a clear cut answer to this. It's not even overly implied as to what has gone on previously. When the end does finally come, you're left with a feeling that the whole story covered could have easily have been done in about 30 minutes less running time. The film isn't overly long, running at just over 90 minutes, but the actual parts of the story that are covered don't necessitate 90+ minutes.
The poor man's equivalent to being frozen in carbonite
To sum up, the film is worth a watch and it does have it's charms, just don't go into it expecting anything particularly groundbreaking. I left the film with a sense of unfulfilled potential, a sense of what could have been. There's some good scares, there's some tense moment, there's Casper Von Dien and there's some bouncing bosoms. It just feels like there could have been so much more.
Yes, you read that correctly - Jaws is 37 years old today. The film was originally released on 20th June, 1975 and introduced the concept of the Summer Blockbuster. Jaws was a phenomenon and led to studios releasing their marque films throughout the Summer months, exploiting the potential for big crowds and maximising the intake of those ever important dollars. 37 is a strange anniversary to be celebrating with a cinema release, I hear you say... and correct, you would be. As a bit of a Jaws geek, over the years my collection has added various 'special' editions, such as the 25th and 30th anniversary DVDs that came out in 2000 and 2005 respectively. The reason for this limited period cinema re-release is down to Universal celebrating their 100 year anniversary. As a result of this, amongst other things, they are restoring and remastering 13 of their all time classic films from 35mm. Jaws happens to be one of these beauties, along with All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), Dracula (1931), the Spanish language version of Dracula (1931), Frankenstein (1931), The Bride of Frankenstein (1935), Buck Privates (1941), Pillow Talk (1959), To Kill a Mockingbird (1962), The Birds (1963), The Sting (1973), Out of Africa (1985) and Schindler's List (1993). Quite the impressive collection, I'm sure you'll agree.
Universal is also getting a shiny, new logo
Anyways, enough about Universal's centennial, let's get on to the, effectively, new print of Spielberg's classic. Firstly, regardless of the new print or not, it was just impressive to finally see Jaws on the big screen. It opened up more for you to see, little bits of background scenery that you may have missed on previous watches. As the film that is responsible for my irrational fear of sharks (thanks to a viewing as a 4 year old I don't like flying - long story... ) it was finally nice to be able to face the cinematic beast on the big screen. I'll be honest, when the opening credits rolled and you have the shark's point of view crawl through weeds, sand and murky water, I had goosebumps. There was a sense of excitement, a sense of anticipation and, dare I say it, still a sense of fear and deep lying dread even though I've watched the film literally 100 or more times over the years. Even though every scene had been etched into memory, every scare remembered, every classic line been quoted in day-to-day conversation by myself (yep, I'm one of 'those' guys), the film still had a freshness about it. The film itself had a lot more light in it during certain scenes. There was a lot more detail visible, slightly crisper even too. This made Murray Hamilton's Mayor Vaughan's suits even more impressive - the one with the anchors on is still my favourite though - and it highlighted the tone of the blistering sun on some of the longer beach shots. As well as the actual picture change, it was fantastic to hear the audio piped through a cinema system. The waves lapping had a softness to them, yet warned the viewer of the potential danger that could arrive at any time. The scene that benefited the best in an audio sense is the scene where Quint turns up to offer her services in hunting down the shark. He makes his entrance to the film by scratching his nails down a chalk board, scratching through your soul as he does it. It instantly causes unease and is a great way to introduce a truly great character.
Brody: "You do realise that anchors were soooo last season?!?!"
I kind of feel like I'm missing out completely on the plot here, but does the plot of Jaws really need explaining? It's a film that's been around for 37 years; a film that has caused more people to be afraid of the water than Michael Barrymore has of swimming pools. It introduced a whole generation, and generations since then, to the sensation of primal fear, of being out of your comfort zone, of being in an environment where you have no control, where you are at the mercy of a monster and of the perfectly engineered killing machine. Simply put, for a lot of people it was the first film to completely scare the shit out of them. I'm a happily proud member of that group. Whether the scares would be quite as extreme for a new generation of film goers that have been reared on shoddy CGI and over indulged 3D is another matter.
Simply one of the most recognisible film posters of all time
As is the case with many past films the are considered horror classics, they sometimes fail to live up to the hype if watched as a first viewing in current day. Sure, to me Jaws is fantastic in every way. The selling of the story to me, the anticipation and fear generated, is all in the build up. Jaws is the perfect example of how to engage a viewer's attention with the old adage of 'less is more'. If the shark was thrown out there - yes, at the chance of risking spoilers, Jaws is about a giant, murderous, blood thirsty shark intent on a 4th July feeding frenzy on a small island off of New York - from the get go, from the opening scene, then the film would've ran the risk of being laughed out of the cinema. Spielberg and those involved realised this and covered up their weakness, their shark, their 'floating turd', as Spielberg called it. The shark was the major flaw in the movie, so why not keep it covered up as much as possible? Sensible logic. To me the shark is fine, it is what it is. I've grown up with Bruce. He was the imaginary monster that swam around my bed when I'd go to sleep, he was the reason why I would swim ridiculously fast in primary school swimming lessons, he's the reason why now, even to this day at 30 years of age, I won't go past mid-shin height in the ocean. Bruce is one nasty bastard! The problem is that a lot of the newer generation of film fans are used to instant gratification, instant reveal. They literally get their 'money shot' within the opening scene at times. My worry is that some people that are used to seeing 'money shots' in every scene may not be able to sit through the slow burn, delicate story telling and character building behemoth that is Jaws, especially to then be rewarded with a plastic monstrosity that is as fear inducing as a limp dick. This was highlighted in the fact that a couple of people walked out (yes, WALKED OUT... OF JAWS!!!!) with about 25 minutes of the film left during tonight's viewing. I haven't seen anybody walk out of a film in many a moon (and I watch some utter tripe), so it blew my mind that somebody would ever have the thought process required to get up and just stroll on out of one of cinema's all time masterclasses. This is likely the bit where I warble into a 'youth of today...' rant. I'll stop it there though.
To conclude, I'm one happy, happy camper tonight. I've finally been able to see a film on the big screen that has frightened me, made me laugh, made me smile and made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin (and
not to mention water) from a very young age. Jaws is a film that constantly rocks up in my conversation when I start discussing my favourite films or top 5's, etc. The cast is impeccable, all perfect in their roles. As well as the three leads of Scheider, Shaw and Dreyfuss, much praise has to go to Lorraine Gary in her portrayal of Ellen Brody - she gives a great emotional base to the film and the events that unfold in the first two acts of the film. To see this on the big screen, with a vibrant, polished colour was simply a treat. Sorry if there's not much of a plot synopsis covered in this blog, but I feel that Jaws is past that point now. Even if people haven't seen Jaws, they at least know the general gist of what it's about. What it is about to me is a film that I could watch over and over again yet still not get bored of. For every sense of dread it brings about, it brings an equal amount of warmth with it in a scene such as Chief Brody in turmoil at his dinner table, only to find solace in the simple acts of his son, Michael. These heart warming moments add a perfect level of depth and sincerity to the characters and to the film as a whole.
And yes, the Ben Gardener head scene still produces the biggest scare of the film and makes you jump in your seat even though you know it's coming.
The title and the tag line pretty much tells you all you need to know about this film. Yes, it's about piranhas. Yes, there's lots of boobs on show. Is it actually any good? It depends on what you want from a film like this.
I shit you not, these are the actual lifeguards in the film
If you go into this expecting some sort of Jaws type classic fish tale then you'll be sadly disappointed. I'm guessing that the majority of people who are interested in this film will have seen, or at least be familiar with, Piranha 3D. If that is the case then you'll know exactly what to expect from this film. It's a straightforward sequel that carries on in exactly the same vein as it's predecessor. There's gore, there's breasts (and lots of them) and there's enough cheese to give Mickey Mouse an erection. The good thing is that the film knows exactly what it is, who it's target market is and is unashamed in what it's main attractions are. The film doesn't pretend to be something else; it's an over the top, bloody, cringe worthy, simple film that pushes it's boobs together at you like a bad low rent porn star that you could imagine Ron Jeremy decimating. If that type of film is up your alley then this is for you.
The basic premise of the film is that the hungry, hungry fishies from the first film are back... and this time they're heading towards a water park. The park is part owned by David Koechner (best known as Champ Kind in Anchorman and numerous other parts) and his step daughter, played by Danielle Panabaker (of Friday 13th and The Crazies updated remakes fame). The step father character is the money hound that is looking to open the water park purely to make a quick buck, regardless of safety fears. The step daughter is on the flip side, cautious of any and all risks that come with the park, and the one who becomes aware of the possible piranha threat.
"Honestly, I've not followed through, I swear."
The piranhas themselves are bigger and badder in this one. Christopher Lloyd (yep, he's back) ascertains that the deadly fish are now able to break through steel due to sheer persistence and appetite - that's some hungry fish. He demonstrates this by tempting a piranha with a frog. Poor Kermit.
The piranhas are attracted by activity in the water, meaning that a water park that is sourced directly, and illegally, from a lake is most definitely on their radar. Throw in a cast of typical teens - the jock, the geek, the virgin, the rampant one, the unassuming hero and several generic, faceless others - and you have your film. Well, that and a few, dare I say it, big cameos from Gary Busey, Ving Rhames and David Hasselhoff. Gary Busey takes on a similar role to Richard Dreyfuss' in the previous film, that of the opening scene fodder. Ving Rhames picks up his role from Piranha 3D despite being seemingly turned to fish food in that - this time with his legs missing. Then there's The Hoff. The Hoff plays, well, The Hoff. He plays a parody of himself, being The Hoff and scraping the barrel for a few dollars by being the 'special guest' at the water park, The Big Wet's, grand opening. There's a lot of Hoff magic throughout the film and he plays the drunken, past it, self obsessed ladies man to perfection. If anyone's seen his drunken burger eating antics or heard about his 25 year younger girlfriends then you'll know what I mean. If not then I suggest you become acquainted with Google and YouTube. In fact, just search for 'The Hoff Burger' on any of the aforementioned sites. No need to thank me - I'm good like that.
"Did somebody say my Big Mac's arrived?"
Unsurprisingly, the savage fish make their way into the water park and reek havoc on anyone that gets in their way, be it man, woman or child. Whilst the action itself is direct, to the point and gorey, it somehow feels a little lacking in it's longevity. The film itself runs at just over 1 hour and 20 minutes, with the build up being a lot longer than the pay off. The first act focuses on introducing the characters, then the film starts to flesh out the piranha mythos with the cast becoming aware of the possible threat and seeking advice from crazy old Christopher Lloyd. The third and final act arrives as expected, it just falls a little... flat. The actual action itself isn't the problem, with people being gnawed at left, right, centre and on the Cooch-Cam (watch the film to find out what this is - it mainly involves close ups of various women's 'love tunnels'). The problem is that when the big attack on the water park arrives it's just too short. Obviously there's the whole logical point to get over, as in if the fish are in the pool parts of the water park then just get out of the water. In fairness, a lot of people do this and that partially adds to the short attack time. Rational thinking in a horror film, who'd have thunk it?! Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of illogical acts throughout the majority of the film - including one poor soul topping Jerry O'Connell's mauled penis from the first film. All I'm saying is that there's a scene that will have any man, or overly sensitive woman for that matter, crossing their legs and giving the slightest wince of pain. I'm still haunted by flashbacks now and I saw the film on opening night last week.
All in all the film is going to attract the audience that this kind of films is always going to attract. If you like your films to have a major dose of trashy, a smidgen of cheese, a large dollop of gore and a hefty scoop of inflated, bouncy chests then this is for you. As a throw away 80 minutes of your life, it's fine. If you want any more than that, or you have an aversion to breasts, then I'd suggest that you give this a wide birth and go and see some more wholesome film. For me, this was pure, unadulterated, over the top cinema in a way that only a Hollywood B movie could capture. It's the mix of shitter than shit, the inclusion of once were famous Hollywood names, and the gloss of a studio picture that makes this a much watch for me. It's rare that a film like this gets a cinema release these days, which is why I'll keep going and watching the Piranha franchise as long as these films keep getting churned out.
So, finally after years of uncertainty, The Avengers has arrived - and arrived in style, it most definitely has. With Marvel Studios managing to get the rights to all of the principle characters, it was always just a matter of time before Captain America, Thor, Iron-Man and the Hulk came together under one roof. Throw The Black Widow and Hawkeye into the mix and you have a possible great film. The big question from most cynics, and even the biggest fans, was the old adage of whether too many cooks would indeed spoil the broth. I can happily say that all of the main players got a pretty equal amount of screen time and action sequences. Nobody was shown as the main attraction and each hero had their humanity exposed and their dirty laundry aired. It wasn't just a case of all the good guys getting together, clicking and saving the world - they don't always get on, they do fight with each other, they have to work at being a team.
Right from the opening scene you get a massive sense of action. The opening scene basically reintroduces Loki and from there on in there's a good old fashioned escape. The action moves that fast that I had actually forgotten that this was just the opening scene, the lead in to the opening credits. It was only when the credits hit that I realised it was just the opening scene. From there on out we slowly get reintroduced to all of the heroes one by one, with them being opted in to the as yet unnamed Avengers by Nick Fury.
"I've had it with these mortherfucking Avengers in my motherfucking film!"
The film has such a frantic pace that the time flies by. One minute you're seeing the Black Widow being held hostage and being interrogated by some criminals, then you're seeing Captain America trying to come to terms with the modern world. Or one minute you're seeing Bruce Banner trying to live the quiet life in Brazil, whilst Tony Stark is trying to have a romantic night in with Pepper Potts. Then when all the dust settles and all of the principle players are in a room together, then you have the ego clashes. And clash they do. Tony Stark has his sarcasm in full flow, which irks Captain America and Thor. Thor clashes with Cap as Thor wants to take Loki to Asgard to be punished for his crimes. Cap rips on Stark for only being out for himself. Stark stirs things up with how much information Nick Fury has but isn't making public. The Black Widow by nature never has the full trust of anyone. Hawkeye isn't around (let's just leave it at that). Then there's the volatile, possible explosion of Bruce Banner into the Hulk. There's the verbal sparring amongst the group and then there's moments where members of the team go head to head and fight each other. For spoiler purposes I'm not going to go into that in any more detail just yet. All I can say is that the fight sequences are brilliant. The tension between the characters is fantastically done, with each hero having a perfectly valid reason to back up the gripe they have. With the tension being so well done, it gives more importance to the situation when the team actually put their egos and opinions to one side and work together for the greater good.
The main antagonist, as touched upon, is Loki, brother of sorts of Thor. He's in control of an alien army, the Chitauri, as he looks to basically conquer the world. Obviously, in true comic book form, there's a lot more to it and let's just say he's got a partner in crime. Loki's set up early on as a very strong villain, a lot more so than in the Thor film, so much so that you actually feel that it would take the teaming up of Earth's mightiest heroes to stop him.
The film itself just has an epic feel to it, along the lines of a certain space opera at times. It feels that big. Everything is done perfectly, surprisingly so. I really did not expect to come out of this film with such a positive vibe. I thought that characters such as Hawkeye and Black Widow would be overlooked, but those two play as much of a part in the film and the climactic battle as Captain America and Iron Man. Similarly, I had reservations about the Hulk after his last two cinema outings. This is definitely the best incarnation of the Hulk. He's a lot more primal, almost ape like at times in his movement. There's also a lot more Hulk Smash - that's what we've all been waiting for years to see. The Hulk isn't shown for a large portion of the film, with the story being that Banner hasn't had an 'incident' in a year or so. If Nick Fury is to believed, Banner was brought into the group merely for his ability as one of the world's leading experts in the field of gamma rays. There's several funny scenes where Stark spends his time trying to get Banner to Hulk up, unsuccessfully. Speaking of funny scenes, there were several scenes where I was actually chuckling out loud in the cinema (I guess that'd be what the kids call a LOL). Most of these tend to involve Hulk in some form, including a great scene with Thor and also a nice "Hulk... Smash!" line from Cap.
Ho ho ho, Green Giant...
The film really shouldn't work in my head, not in this era. The idea of a team of superheroes running around in bright colours, saving the world from an alien race, just seems a bit 'out there' in the days when most people are accustomed to the grimey, real world feel of the last few Batman films. It does work though. It works very well. Sure, some of the dialogue may be cheesy at times to those unaware of the Marvel comics over the years, but that's in fitting with the books and the history. Marvel's famous for being a little cringeworthy with their dialogue at times. There's so much more that I want to say but I feel I can't at this time for fear of spoilers for people. It's not like the usual bog standard horror films that I've been watching lately, where spoilers are irrelevant as people will likely never see the films I've discussed. With The Avengers, I want as many people to go and see this with an open mind, so no spoilers from me. It's a great, great superhero film. Every character is played out brilliantly. Cap is all about integrity and leadership, Downey Jnr picks up exactly where he left off in terms of Stark's sarcastic hero, Thor's affinity to Earth is further elaborated on from his solo outing, Black Widow gets fleshed out a lot more than in Iron Man 2, Hawkeye is simply the master marksman who has a massive role to play in the film, and then there's Ruffalo's Bruce Banner/Hulk. In Ang Lee's Hulk I was a massive fan of Eric Bana in the role of Banner. Then it got even better for me with Ed Norton doing his best Bill Bixby impression in Leterrier's 2008 Hulk. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Ruffalo is better than both of the previous incarnations. He brings a mild sense of humour to Bruce Banner, as in he is now more at peace with himself and his situation. His relationship with Stark is great too, two scientists bantering with each other. Also, Scarlett Johansson is worth a big mention. I'm going to go out on another limb and say that I'm a massive fan of Scarlett. She's absolutely stunning. Simple. That said, this film is the absolute, clear cut most stunning she has ever looked on film. You just cannot take your eyes off her - that is if you're a hot blooded male with a thing for pouty women with curves in all the right places.
So yes, go and see the film. Now. I went on opening day, Thursday, and will be going again on Tuesday, possibly on Friday too. It just really blew me away. Is it the best superhero film ever? That's hard to say. On a first viewing, the gut reaction is it's up there. It all depends on how it plays upon multiple viewings. It's also worth noting that it's taken a ton of money at the box office so far and it hasn't even come out in North America yet. It hits North America on May 4th - my birthday - and it'll surely take another truck load of money over there.
Stop! ... Hammer Time!
A slight negative is no Ant Man or Wasp, two founding members of The Avengers, but that was expected going in. It's also a shame that Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are currently out of the reach of Marvel Studios due to their rights being with the X-Men franchise. You never know, I'm sure somewhere down the line they may make an appearance in a sequel, hopefully The Vision too. There's a nice nod to Avengers Tower at the end of the film, as well as a load of other subtle and not-so-subtle nods to suggest future films.
One last thing, as per all Marvel films, make sure to stick around for an after credits scene. You should know that by now though, right?
Also, one last, last thing... for all those with a love of Nick Fury, be sure to tick The Hoff 's version of Nick Fury off your bucket list.
My latest foray to the cinema was to see the latest Ghost Rider outing. This was a little over a week ago, and I keep getting sidetracked when starting one of these here blog things. Anyways, here goes...
Firstly, as an actual comic book film the film works quite well. There's some greats shots where scenes mesh together, similar to how the panels of a comic book mesh together. It works. On the flip side of that, those going in to this without comic book blinkers on may just laugh in the face of all of the things that the film is trying to achieve. That said, surely somebody that makes the effort to go and watch this film must have the outlook of throwing logic out of the window. A film grounded in reality this is not, as is the case for a lot of the superhero flicks. This one really does embrace the comic book stylings though, similar in a way to X-Men: First Class. I'll tell you now though, it's not on the same level as First Class.
Burn Baby Burn... Disco Inferno!
For those of you who are unaware of the Ghost Rider character or the 2007 original starring Nic Cage, then here's a little history lesson for you. The Ghost Rider is Johnny Blaze, played in this film and the original by Nicolas Cage. He's a charismatic, daredevil (excuse the pun) motorcycle stuntman, performing death defying tricks and stunts in front of mass audiences, carefree and risking his life for the buzz of it all. Blaze's father becomes ill, severely ill as in knock-knock-knockin' on heaven's door, and Johnny has the chance to save his father. This chance comes at a price - he has to make a deal with the Devil, literally. Satan approaches Blaze with a contract, basically his soul in order to save his father's life. Depending on which origin you read, Blaze ends up signing the contract with his blood one way or another. This essentially makes him the Devil's bitch. In the 2007 film the Devil later calls on Johnny and gives Blaze the power of the Ghost Rider in order to stop Satan's son, Wes Bentley, from overpowering daddy dearest. The whole origin of the Johnny Blaze version of Ghost Rider is recapped during the opening credits sequence for those that missed the first movie or have never picked up one of the books.
Now on to this movie. The main plot of the sequel is that a stunning lady is on the run with her young son. On the run from whom, you may ask? The Devil (dun dun dun). The Devil employs some, for lack of a better term, goons to do his dirty work and track down the woman and her boy. The Devil wishes to channel his spirit through the boy and take over the earth. Simple, usual comic book fodder then. Idris Elba pops up as someone who is protecting the boy, and he tracks down a bedraggled Johnny Blaze in order to persuade him to use the power of the Ghost Rider to help the woman and child. If the Rider helps in this task then Idris will take him to some monks and show him how to rid himself of the Ghost Rider spirit once and for all. I should probably mention at this point that Johnny Blaze has now isolated himself in the hills of 'Eastern Europe'. Yep, no specific country, it's just referenced as 'Eastern Europe'. Blaze sees the power of the Rider as his curse as he cannot control it. The Rider punishes anyone that has ever performed an evil act, so Blaze is worried that the Rider crosses lines that he doesn't want to cross. On a side note, I so wish that the Ghost Rider could be unleashed on Michael Bay. For those of you who are unaware, Michael Bay and his Anchor Bay studio are rehashing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in to another live action film. I've just read an article that he now plans to change the Turtles origins to that of an alien kind. Yep, the Turtles came from outer space. Fucking ridiculous! Surely the key's in the title... Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles. They're mutants, not Teenage ALIEN Ninja Fucking Turtles. Dick.
Anyways, a quick deep breath and back to Ghost Rider we go.
The plot is fine for what it is. Ghost Rider can often come with a lot of religious undertones at times, but that's to be expected given the nature of how Blaze gets given his 'gift'. It goes without saying that he decides to help rescue the woman and child, looking to put an end to the Devil's task and also removing his own curse in the process. There's a heavy hint of Terminator 2 in the film, as Blaze strikes up a relationship with the child in question much similar to that of the leather clad motorcycle enthusiast and the smart, wise-ass boy in T2. The female lead is a lot more to look at than Linda Hamilton though. That said, there is something about Linda Hamilton in T2.
Heeeeere's Johnny!
So what about the other bits and bobs? Well, the acting isn't the best. Nicolas Cage spends half of the film feeling sorry for himself and the other half completely hamming it up to a new degree of crazy. There's 2 scenes in particular that come to mind when one thinks of the Nic Cage craziness. Firstly, there's a random cut scene that shows a Blaze/Rider hybrid speeding through tunnels on his bike (as illustrated above). This is a little unnerving and the placing of it in the movie is questionable. The second instance of Nic overacting as only Nic can is when he visits the monks in order to remove the Rider curse from himself. It's hard to take seriously as it's just basically Cage rolling around on the floor, laughing (supposedly maniacally) to himself and making whoop whoop noises. The rest of the cast are fine, although Ciaran Hinds, replacing Peter Fonda as the Devil, is shockingly bad. There's a plot piece that explains that his face is supposed to look weak due to him being in human form, but the guy just has no presence. He's supposed to be playing the biggest and baddest big bad there is, the Devil. For my money Satan in South Park: The Movie is more intimidating, and that's including when he's being made into Saddam's bitch.
The pace of the film is good, progressive and generally consistent. As I've mentioned, there's some nice meshing of scenes to give a comic book vibe to the film, as well as a vast improvement on the effects of the previous film. The CGI in the first film was fine, but nothing more than fine. There were parts, as with most CGI heavy films, where the effects looked ropey to say the least. In this film that seems to be rectified, especially on the actual Rider himself. The skull looks a lot more impressive and not too blatantly created on a computer. The practical effects on Decay, Satan's main handyman, are a nice touch too. The only thing that still gripes me about the Rider is the scenes in which you see his hands and fingers. I know that he's technically a skeleton of sorts, but the thin fingers and clear bone structure just look ridiculous and I can't help but think of the waiter from Scary Movie 2.
"Take my good hand"
All in all, as a comic book movie, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is fine by me. The first film felt a bit flat and a bit too simple in the way that the Rider just plowed through everyone in his sight. There are similar moments in this, but a few of his flaws are exposed a bit more, plus the internal angst felt by Blaze is highlighted well. There's a nice tone to the scenes where he is wallowing in isolation, away from loved ones. It's just a shame that the 'crazy' scenes are too over the top to be taken seriously and Satan himself has zero screen presence, charisma or appeal. On, and as for the 3D... it literally was unnoticeable - simply no need.
Right, it's been a little while since I've been on this here blog type thing (18th October, 2011 if the Internet is to be believed). What started my absence was a changeover in Internet providers which left me without the joys of the 'net for about a month or so. In this time I typed a blog about the reformation of the Stone Roses and how giddy that had left me. I thought I'd upload this once my 'net came back on. One thing led to another and I've just not managed to get round to another blog since my 'net came back - I think I just got out of the habit of popping up little bits and bobs on here. Anyways, I went to (finally) upload said Roses blog yesterday when stupid, stupid, stoooooooooooooopid me deleted the whole of the My Documents folder. That meant that loads of stuff got deleted - not even to my Recycle Bin, just straight to data heaven - mainly my CV, various reports, most of my pictures and a few random things, such as some half baked ideas for films/TV shows and the aforementioned Roses blog. Pah!
So I'm starting from scratch with the hope of, once again, getting back into the habit of typing about random things to an ever small audience. The Roses blog was a huge piece, so no way am I going back on re-doing that. Let's just say that you'll have to take my word on the fact that I am ridiculously excited about the reformation of my favourite band of all time and the fact that I will be seeing them live in a matter of months. That is a day I honestly never thought would come.
One major problem I DO currently have though is a lack of hearing. My right ear is completely blocked up with all sorts of ear type crap. This has stopped me in my cinema going tracks for the last few weeks. It's put the shitter on me going to watch Star Wars: Episode 1 in 3D, The Woman in Black and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. I'm hoping I'll be able to catch them before their respective cinema runs come to an end.
Before I got all partially deaf, I managed to watch a fair few pieces of shit. The worst being a little known bad boy by the name of Sand Sharks. If you have the ability to read the title of the film then you can pretty much guess what it's about. Yep, you guessed it - it's about sharks in the sand. Leading the charge against these beasties is Brooke Hogan and a crop of similar level nobodies.
The FX budget went towards Brooke's chest
The film starts off with a couple of guys racing their dirt bikes across sand dunes. One of them goes missing, then the other one similarly disappears - getting taken by something from the sand. The FX in this one are horrible. I'm not talking low rent gore or poor quality CGI, I'm talking lazy CGI. You have to work within the boundaries of what you've got but there's no excuse for being lazy with it. When somebody is attacked then they literally just vanish into thin air, sometimes with a drop of blood left behind. It's literally now you see them, there's the sand shark, now you don't. I've tried to find examples online and this is one of the better ones. I especially like that the guy moves his head around like he's a cross between something from The Muppets and the classic riled up 1980's Nature Boy Ric Flair.
Now you see them, now you don't. I suppose you could say in a way it's playing to the film's strengths as they obviously have a small budget. It just looks so half assed to me though. Give me something more practical any day, or at least some bones and a bit of intestines left behind.
Something else that is off putting is the presence of Brooke Hogan as one of the leads. It's not so much the fact that she can't act (which she most definitely can't), it's more the fact that I can't help thinking that if you stuck a moustache on her then you'd have a mini-Hulkster. She must definitely have 3 Weetabix a day to be the size she is. It'd be wrong to call her ugly, but I wouldn't quite say she was pretty. I guess the phrase would be an intimidating physical presence. In Sand Sharks she's portrayed as a very girly girl though, which messes up the thought process even more so. Unfortunately for me, there's another shark film on my agenda called 2 Headed Shark Attack. The title of the film isn't the unfortunate bit. The unfortunate bit is that this also has Brooke-a-mania running wild all over it.
What'cha Gonna Do, Brother?!?!
On that note, I'm going to bring this little catch up to a close. My film watching is a bit restricted due to this stupid ear problem, but hopefully that rectifies itself in the next few days and I can plow on through the cinematic galaxy. Hopefully the next few turns of this galaxy don't involve Brooke Hogan, her guns and her surgically enhanced chest.
Again, sorry for the lack of blog type stuff recently. I've been riddled with man flu. Now, you ask any man out there and they'll tell you that man flu is the worst illness on the planet. It takes it out of you as if you're a rhino giving birth.
As a result of said man flu I've been all a bit "meh" for the last week or so. I'm back to firing on most cylinders now though, which means I have been able to pop along to the cinema. That is exactly what I did, although I really wish that I hadn't. Let me start this by saying that I see good in basically ever film I see. I even enjoy films that I know are a pile of shit, such as the Shark Attack series or Ninja Terminator. If a film is shit then I almost have a sympathetic eye towards it. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe it's because the budget of these films is minuscule, maybe it's because I know that the actors really are doing their best, maybe it's because I know it's a small crew, small set and everyone is clubbing in together. So with all of that said, it has to be a movie that has some major things wrong with it for me to totally bash it and to see no redeeming features in it. That film, ladies and gentleman, would be Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark. I went into this with really high hopes. It looked like it could be genuinely creepy. It was written by Guillermo del Toro, who I am a massive fan of. It has Guy Pearce in it - again, someone who I am a massive fan of. It had that old style feel to it, like the spooky house or monster films of yesteryear - the kind of black and white film that as a kid I'd find on late night BBC2 and would be enthralled by the texture and the feel of the film. That is the type of film that I thought that this was going to harp back to. Sadly I was mistaken.
The general premise of the film is that a little girl is sent to live with her father, Guy Pearce, and his new girlfriend, Katie Holmes, whilst they are restoring an old house. The mother is hardly referred to, only referenced a few times to show that the poor little girl has been pushed from one parent to the other. The house is your usual old, antique, slightly spooky affair, complete with the usual characters, i.e the faithful maid, the slightly grump gardener, etc. The little girl is exploring the grounds when she comes across a disused basement that is hidden away under the house. With it being an old, creepy house, the entrance to the basement is hidden away behind a wall panel. Guy Pearce duly decides to knock away said panel and opens up the basement. This is where the film supposedly gets creepy. The little girl starts to hear things calling her name and speaking to her. This is when slightly erratic behavior starts to occur throughout the house, with Guy Pearce and Katie Holmes blaming the little girl for this. During the first half of the film it's established that the girl isn't the biggest fan of Katie Holmes in the step-mum-to-be role, whilst Guy Pearce is set up as bit of a cock who is just focused on work, work, work. This leads to you not really giving a shit about either of the main adult characters. You just don't care. This is my first problem with the film. My second problem is that it's supposed to be a mish-mash of horror/thriller/supernatural/monster films, yet it doesn't really showcase any major strengths in any of the aforementioned film types. About half way through it turns out that there are creatures running amok in the house, small little mischief-makers who bang on about child's teeth. Of course, the child knows exactly what's going on yet nobody believes her until it's more-or-less too late. When the little beasties do attack then you really don't give a shit as Guy Pearce is just a prick and Katie Holmes is Katie Holmes.
Don't Be Afraid Of Shit Films...
So that's where the main problem lies. None of the adult characters are sympathetic. The little girl, Bailee Madison, is fine in her role. She is great in the role of the grumpy kid who's been moved from pillar to post and has to try and adapt to her new life with her dad and the new love of his life. The film also never really has a scare moment, which surprised me. There wasn't a moment where I jumped or even flinched. I guess there's never any real sense of suspense for the most part. Usually in this type of film there's the slow build, which this has, and then the reveal. The reveal is made all the better by the suspense leading up to it. Here, when the reveal does finally come, it's just so-so. The effects work for the little creatures is fine, they don't look particularly bad or good. They do the job needed. It's just that you don't ever feel any real threat during the film. The suspense, for me, peaked in the opening few minutes when you see an old man going at a lady's teeth with a chisel. From there on out the film just seemed to lose my interest, which saddens me. I was really hoping for a lot from this film but I was just left with a typical Katie fucking Holmes performance. I'm not sure what it is about her that I don't like so much. She's just annoyed me for as long as I can remember. I never did the whole Dawon's Creek shit so I guess me and Miss Holmes (or should that be Mrs Cruise) got off on the wrong foot. She's just one of those actors that has done nothing of note to me, bar that topless scene from The Gift. She's just bland in anything that I see her in, bland, emotionless, wooden, annoying. After years of geek expectation for Batman Begins, she nearly ruined the film for me. Luckily her screen time was kept to a minimum. I'm one of those people that hate re-casting characters but I was literally shitting myself with joy when Maggie Gyllenhaal was announced as playing Rachel Dawes for The Dark Knight.
So to sum up, I had a good feeling for Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark yet I was left feeling like the film was a waste of what could have been. It had all of the factors to be great. Guillermo del Toro? Check. Creepy old house? Check. Little monsters? Check. Potentially creepy kid? Check. Katie Holmes death scene? You'll have to watch it and see.
The film at times felt like Critters in the way that it's little monsters were behaving. Whilst they were supposed to be menacing, you never really felt like they were going to do anything too brutal. The thing there is, Critters was meant to be firmly tongue in cheek and was on a small budget. Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark had a $25 million budget and was set up firmly as serious film. Now don't get me wrong, $25 million is nothing by today's standards, but the standard of the film is similar to the shit films that I mentioned in my opening paragraph. The only difference is, these films are firmly aware that they are shit.
On a slightly lighter note, my favourite band of all time are due to announce they're reunion today. Ian Brown, John Squire, Mani and Reni supposedly have a press conference booked for 3pm today. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. I'm not going to touch on the subject any further as I'm planning on a blog of sorts on the band. I'll just leave you with this.
Again, sorry for the lack of blog-type stuff recently, I've been a busy bee. I'm planning on not doing a whole bunch of much over the next few weeks so that should mean more time to dabble with this stuff.
Now let's get down to business. The cinematic world is still reeling from Friday's release of Shark Night 3D. That's right, not Shark Night, not Shark Night 4D (see the Spy Kids franchise for that), and most definitely not Shark Night with smell-o-vision. Nope, this was Shark Night 3D! On a slightly side note, mid-way through the film I did get a smell of burning. I couldn't place whether it was the smell of knackered electrical items or the smell of burnt toast. It's a fine line to decipher between the two. So, yeah, I went to watch this shark infested beauty last night. For anybody that knows me then you know all about my irrational fear of sharks. You name it, I've done it (or not), as in I don't go into the sea (that's suicide!), as a kid I'd make sure I was always hunched up in a ball in the middle of the bench to make sure that no limbs were hanging over the edge of the bed for the waiting sharks (very sensible kid), and I try and do as little flying as possible (plane goes boom, drops from sky, I survive impact, land in ocean, sharks come to nibble on me). As well as this fear that I am very aware is all totally irrational, there's always a morbid curiosity and I'll watch any and all shit that I can find that involves sharks. That includes the piece of shit called Shark Night 3D.
Now it's not often that shark films come along these days. It's even rarer that they get a cinematic release, and it's even rarer still that the Odeon in Wrexham gets to show these films. Obviously there's a great demand from the Wrexham public to see more creature features. That said, upon walking into Screen 2 to watch the film last night I was greeted by the grand total of 2 other people in there. They were both on their own also. So there was 3 of us in the cinema, all sitting on our own. There were a few appreciate nods between us as I walked up the stairs to take my place amongst the popcorn covered seats. As the film began it immediately peaked my interest as the very first shot was a nice nod to Jaws (currently sat at approximately #4 on my favourite films of all time) as it was an underwater shot supposedly shot from a shark's point of view. As the scene unfolds it establishes a teenage couple messing around in the water. The boyfriend leaves the water to go and get some food (I can imagine him hunting antelope with a spear) and whilst he's gone his girlfriend gets devoured into a whole lot of bubbles and red stuff. There's another nice nod to Jaws in here too as the death of the girl echoes the opening scene death of Chrissy from Jaws. I think this is basically where my interest reached it's high point as the film slalomed down the toilet after this. The story picks up with a group of college kids, with each one supposedly ticking the box of a college stereotype. There's the brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess and the criminal... oh wait, that's the wrong film. These stereotypes are the geek, the athlete, the pretty boy, the quirky guy, the girl with issues and a few other girls that really don't have much of their characters fleshed out (meaning you know that they're going to be getting munched at some point). The one big, big, big, big problem I have is the main guy. He's portrayed as the geek, the medical student who has poor people skills and who is never going to get anywhere with the ladies. The problem is that the dude is pretty ripped and has chiseled features. Just because his first scene shows him in a pair of glasses (and only the first scene) does not instantly make the guy your Anthony Michael Hall.
Geek with added pen
Not so much geek and not so much pen
That was my biggest gripe. The rest of the cast just play out like the usual background characters that you see in the OC. They're all nice and shiny but ultimately lacking substance. I guess I should get back to the plot rather than the cast, so these kids all end up going to a friend's place for the weekend. Now when I say a friend's place then I don't mean someone crashing on someone else's sofa after a few beers too many. Nope, I mean that one of the girls actually owns her own island in the middle of a huge lake which is miles from anywhere. It's almost as bad an idea as the whole tropical island plot of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. At least that film had Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts in to keep my attention. Whilst I'm at it, Shark Night is a PG, meaning no boobs, no language and no particularly gruesome deaths. So, anyway, these kids get to their destination after coming across a few rednecks on the way. We're not talking Deliverance style rednecks but it's worth making a note of the guys as they do pop up at times later on in the film. The girl that owns the island also happens to own a boat and so a few of the guys go water-skiing on the lake. The athlete is showing his moves off when all of a sudden he vanishes under the surface. This is where the sharks kick in. Whether he makes it or not, I'll let you watch and find out. You'd have thought one logical idea would be to stay on the land once they realise that there's sharks in the "salt-water" lake.
+
=
"I'm gonna eat your balls!"
Sadly for these kids they lack any kind of sense, even the medical student having moments that can only be described as a bit like Rodney from Only Fools & Horses. There's one moment where one of the guys loses an arm. This prompts some of the other guys to go and seek help, which means they have to go back into the water. This is a slightly plausible reason for why the cast would have to leave the land. The thing that shits all over logic is that the guy with one arm eventually ends up going back into the water to find the shark that attacked people. He goes in with one arm and a spear and literally wrestles with the shark as if he was "Macho Man" Randy Savage against Hulk Hogan. Ridiculous doesn't cover it. There's also a back story of two people falling out years ago because one ripped open the other's face open with a boat propeller by accident - I shit you not. There's then moments of sharks leaping through the air like Spider-man (obviously minus the outfit - now that is a film idea, Spider-shark!). After several of the supporting cast are offed in various munchable ways, the rednecks of earlier turn up to help. This is when things all go a bit sinister and there's a twist that is different to say the least. It kind of borrows parts from Hostel and Scream 4 but I'm not going to say any more on the subject.
I really hope that this is where the SFX budget went
To sum up, the plot was intriguing at times, the characters were paper thin in depth, the effects were poor at best, the need for 3D was a retarded idea and you had absolutely no sympathy for any of the characters involved. It's hard to care about the nasty things that are potentially happening to cheese-spewing, rich, ripped, good looking people. Shark Night fails to have the kitsch factor of Piranha 3D, whilst failing to have the serious tone of a Jaws, the scientific (if ridiculous) logic of a Deep Blue Sea or the brutally-honest-in-how-bad-they-are outlook of the various shark themed B movies that came before it. It does baffle me why they only went for a PG rating. Sure, Jaws had a PG rating but it also had a serious, strong story with a fantastic cast and one of the greatest directors of all time. I honestly expected Shark Night to go for the Piranha 3D route - play to your strengths. Don't take yourself too seriously, don't make ALL of your characters annoying, focus on the boobs and gore that has served similar films well over the years, make it camp, make it fun. I'm not sure, even after watching it, what Shark Night is entirely trying to set itself up as.
All in all, I did actually find parts of the film to be enjoyable but I do love shitty horror films, especially those involving sharks. For all those with a love of the very bad of the bad, you'll enjoy this for what it is. That said, most people will just think that the film is an absolute waste of 90 minutes of their life that they could have spent doing something more enjoyable, such as shoving a pineapple up their backside.
Well this week I've made a discovery of the best kind. I'm a big fan of Zone Horror, the awfully produced horror channel on Sky TV. Over the years it has shown some great short-story based TV shows that I used to watch as a kid. Shows such as Tales From The Crypt, Friday 13th, The Outer Limits and now Freddy's Nightmares. I've always been a sucker for this format of horror, especially for Crypt. I remember as a kid I'd get up at about 1am on, I think, a Monday night/Tuesday morning to watch WCW Worldwide on ITV. If I got up early enough then I'd catch the end of Tales From The Crypt. That was when I would be about 8. Years later I discovered Creepshow, Creepshow 2 and Body Bags. Three feature length films made up of the same idea of short stories. Creepshow 2 was so-so but the original Creepshow was brilliant. I was made up when it finally came out on DVD a few years ago, along with a fair few extras. My VHS copy had seen better days so it was also a bit of a relief to get it on DVD. As for Body Bags, Mark Hamill being a star baseball player on his way home, looking to play a music cassette but crashing his car and ending up with said tape wedged in his eye was brilliant. I can't do the scene justice, and I can't find a decent image of Hamill's reaction, but this is an image of part of that scene, dodgy moustache included:
Anyway, I'm getting slightly off point here. I had started to say about my love for Zone Horror. As well as the aforementioned short-story type horror shows, they have also shown some great unknown gems over the years. Now and again they'll show a well known film, normally something in the Hellraiser vein. One film I did come across a few years ago was The Tripper. Now I'm the type of person that will watch any and all horror films, regardless of how shit they sound or how low budget they look. I don't hold premise or budget against a film. To my surprise, The Tripper had Jason Mewes in it. As a big Kevin Smith fan, Mewes peaked my interest straight away. The summary of the film also said that it was directed by David Arquette and also featured appearances from Arquette, Courtney Cox-Arquette, Lukas Haas, Jaime King, Thomas Jane (Deep Blue Sea, Punisher and Boogie Nights REPRESENT!) and Paz de la Huerta. Obviously this was way before David started shaking the bacon with lots of other ladies who mainly seem to be varying forms of prostitutes or escorts. Anyway, I digress, The Tripper turned out to be a great little film about a Ronald Reagan obsessed serial killer who was taking out his aggression on hippies and stoners all whilst wearing a Reagan mask. There was also the immortal tag line of "Here's Ronnie!". Get it. Get it. Got. So, anyway, it's taking me what seems like a fair old ramble to establish that I have a lot of time for Zone Horror. Now on to the main point of this blog, Frankenhooker.
Frankenhooker: "It's a stitch!"
What a brilliant little film?!?! I can't believe that I've never seen it up until now. I almost feel ashamed at that admission. I was flicking through Zone Horror over the weekend and the title caught my eye, I had a quick read of the synopsis and then used the trusty Sky+ button to record it. I got round to watching it on Sunday night and it was even better than it sounded. The basic plot is that an amateur 'mad-scientist' sees his girlfriend killed in a lawnmower accident. Yes, a lawnmower accident. One minute she's waving at him from across the lawn, the next she's chewed up by a lawnmower as we see her blood splat against a poor, unsuspecting gnome.
Poor Noddy had only just washed his beard
During this tragedy, our Dr Frankenstein in waiting, Jeffrey, manages to salvage the severed head of his girlfriend. From there on in he tries to come up with ideas on how to re-animate her. In his wisdom he decides that he can buy a shit load of hookers and use their body parts to make a body for the head of his beloved. This is all well and good but Jeffrey has a bit of a pickle when it comes to actually killing the ladies of the night. He decides to drill into his own brain, which somehow gives him a creative boost. He decides that he'll buy some crack and turn it into "Supercrack" using his science skills. If this was me then I'd market it as "Supercrack - guaranteed to get you higher faster than a speeding bullet". I think it's catchy. Maybe my skills are wasted in my current job and I should use my marketing knowledge to market drugs. I guess it's an option. Anyway, all tooled up with this wonder drug he goes out to get himself some hookers. By this point he's already researched his whores and has struck up a relationship with a pimp called Zorro. The character of Zorro is arguably the worst acting I have ever seen in any film, and I've seen myself act. It's so bad that it's scene stealing. You'll understand if you've seen the film. Anyway, Jeffrey ends up in a room with a shit load of hookers and a load of drugs. His original plan was to feed the hookers the Supercrack and watch them explode (literally!), but he has since had a change of heart. Just when he starts to realise that the whole thing is a bit of a stupid idea, the hookers discover the stash of Supercrack. Within all of 5 seconds of consuming the new drug of choice, they're all naked and fondling each other. This had me thinking that I should try and make some Supercrack of my own. I've already got a swish, catchy slogan sorted (see above) so if only I could make the product then I could attract me a room full of naked ladies. Hmmmm. So the naked ladies take the Supercrack and then they basically blow up, as in like a Catherine Wheel.
She definitely should have avoided the Chicken Vindaloo
I forgot to mention this but there's a great scene before all of the hookers go boom where Jeffrey basically checks each one's body out for the perfect limbs. I may have a soft spot for this scene because there's about 14 pairs of breasts on show, although I'm sure there's other merits to the scene. So Jeffrey toddles off to his garage (his lab) where he puts all of the hookers body parts in a storage tank. He then begins the task of choosing the best parts and putting them together to re-animate his girlfriend. Amazingly this works and his beloved comes back to the world of the living, only now she's full of hooker memories. This means that she pushes Jeffrey to one side and basically hits the streets, looking to hop on to any and all penises in sight. The only problem is that her lady parts are all now full of experimental goodness and cause her partner in passion to explode in a way similar to the aforementioned hookers. I won't give any more of the movie away apart from the fact that Zorro, the horribly acted Hispanic pimp, turns up to take revenge/ownership on the hooker that's made up of the parts of his former money makers.
All in all, the film is a blast. It's got a serious tone of Troma to it in some ways. It's gorey, it's badly acted, it's low budgeted, and it features some brilliantly awful lines - my personal favourite being "I'm not much of a sports fan but I do like a certain indoor sport. Mind if I stick my tongue down your throat?". I reckon that's guaranteed to make the ladies swoon on a Saturday night out in Wrexham. Maybe I'll try it and post a result of my findings on here. Or maybe I won't and I'll save myself a slap and a knee to the balls.
Other than Frankenhooker, I've been having a bit of a John Carpenter kind of week. The Thing, Halloween 2 and The Ward have followed my recent viewing of Elvis. Always a Carpenter fan, but that's another blog. On a non-film note, it's been a rum old week for Wrexham FC. Firstly, Dean Saunders left the club to move to Doncaster. A great move for Deano, moving up three divisions to the Championship. No qualms from me as any player would have made the same move, and any person would take a jump of three grades in their current job. All the best to Dean, Mal Purchase and Brian Carey. The current caretaker, Andy Morrell, got off to a great start with a 3-1 away win against Grimsby at the weekend. The good news from last night is that the Geoff Moss and Ian Roberts era is finally over. The fans now own the club so there can be no more excuses when it comes to results being affected by ownership. Time to get our heads on and maintain the form that currently has us sitting top of the Blue Square Bet Premiership, starting with tonight's game against Mansfield.
Right, it's been a week or more since I last posted. I guess I've been a bit of a busy bee. By busy bee I don't mean I've done anything constructive. I also don't mean that I've produced honey and stung inquisitive young children. I mean I've just been doing a few bits and bobs that has meant I've spent a little less time online. I've also rediscovered my love for all things Football Manager. Mainly it was visiting people for Birthdays and what not.
I've managed to take in a couple of new (to me) films in the last few days though. These were When You're Strange and Elvis. When You're Strange is the Johnny Depp narrated Doors documentary that came out last year and Elvis is the 1979 John Carpenter film that gave Kurt Russell his first leading role. Both were great watches, with The Doors doc just being made up purely of old footage of the band whereas the Elvis biopic didn't include a single second of footage of the actual King. I'll stop there for a second as I'm currently listening to Sleeper. Just a random line that I feel that more people should appreciate, from Delicious, "We should both go to bed 'til we make each other sore...". Love it. For those not aware of the genius of Sleeper, check out this funky little tune. For those that are aware of the genius of Sleeper, I salute you:
Now, the above song most certainly isn't Delicious but Inbetweener seems to be the only song that I can find a decent performance of on YouTube. I found an acoustic version of Delicious but the recording's all a bit too quiet. Bah, Inbetweener it is then. It reminds me of my Louise Wener love. Her, Donna Matthews (Elastica), Sonya Madan (Echobelly), Lauren Laverne (Kenickie) and, a bit later on, Charlotte Hatherley (Ash) were the girls for me. All stunning and all liked to dabble with the guitar to varying degrees. I'm a sucker for a woman with a guitar. I'm not sure what it is, but it just does things to me. I could spend days locked in a room with Elastica although obviously Justin would have to either wait outside or just sit and watch. Right, now that I've gotten totally off on a random tangent, err, Elvis, yeah.
So, Elvis, John Carpenter's '79 biopic of Elvis Aaron Presley. Great film. Over the years there's been many different screen incarnations of the King. My personal favourite still stands as Bruce Campbell in Bubba-Ho-Tep, but I digress. Kurt Russell's portrayal of Elvis is ridiculously good, more so in the fact that he covers many different stages of Elvis' life. The film starts of with a very young Elvis, maybe 8 or 9 years old. This sets up him receiving his first guitar as a Christmas present and also highlights the financial struggle that his family is undergoing with making ends meet. We then skip forward about 6 or 7 years to Kurt Russell's Elvis in high school, getting bullied for his non-conformist hairstyle. Russell then takes you on through the rest of the film and through the various stages of Elvis. There's the shy but charming schoolboy with his sweetheart, there's the nervous teenager that's never performed in front of an audience but ends up in a school talent contest, there's the mama's boy Elvis that records a record for his mother, there's the cocksure Elvis that starts to know how good he is, there's the Elvis that gets rejected at an audition, then there's the Elvis that goes on the meteoric rise that ends up with him becoming the biggest musical name on the planet. The film doesn't follow right through on the Elvis story, choosing to end on his big Las Vegas comeback of the late '60's rather than to end with the King sat on the toilet mid-log and mid-burger. Kurt Russell's performance is fantastic, showing innocence, arrogance, loving, hating, introvert, extrovert. He does a brilliant job of showing Elvis getting wrapped up in the whirlwind rise of himself, only to then realise that due to this he can no longer be just a normal man. He can no longer go for a walk, go on holiday, go shopping. The performance is astonishing for it's range, from the country boy who dreamed of being a rock star to the King of Rock & Roll who has too much fame for him to deal with. The strut, gestures, characteristics and dance moves that Russell shows are unbelievable. Such attention to detail, just so much down to the little things like the way he moves or alters clothing. I'd definitely recommend it to all Elvis fans and to all music or film fans in general. That said, I'm a huge John Carpenter and Kurt Russell fan, so maybe take my words with a grain of salt. One thing that may put a few people off is the running time. The film was originally meant to be split up and shown in installments on TV, hence the long running time that sits at about 2 hours 48 minutes. That said, a shit load of people were happy to invest that amount of time in that Lord of the Rings: Two Towers bullshit which basically focused on 3 hours of walking. As a wiser man than me once said, "even the fucking trees walked in those moves". If you don't know what I'm on about, have a nosey at this (excuse the French subtitles):
In regards to the above, I quite like the first and last Lord of the Rings films. That said, it riles me when people go on about them being the best films of all time or describing them as "The Trilogy". There's only one trilogy and that's "The Holy Trilogy", as in Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.
I'm off to take in Wrexham's World Peace Day now so I guess I'll maybe write a bit more on When You're Strange on another day.
